"Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

Genesis 2:24

Over the next two months, I will officiate three weddings—one for a “mature” couple who have both experienced sorrow and loss in their pasts (not without many accompanying joys), who will soon come together as husband and wife to share a new life together. The other two are very young couples ready to embark on life together in a world that grows increasingly hostile to the Christian covenant of marriage. It is always a joy for me to officiate a wedding for believers ready to bring to life this sacred union God designed for most humans, and to be a reflection that shows forth the love of Christ for his own bride (the church).

A marriage between two Christians mature enough to follow the Bible's call for decent behavior between human beings (Matt. 7:12; Rom. 14:19) and founded on the principles of marriage laid out in Scripture can and should be a joyful and rewarding relationship. Union with Christ, and then union with another human being made in the image of God and designed to complement us in the covenant of marriage, is a foundation for joy.

Nevertheless, many struggle in significant ways in their marriages. So, here are a few very quick suggestions that may help those who find themselves at odds with one another. There are no pat answers here, just a few helpful ideas that may assist in righting a rocking ship.

1. Pray together. Pray aloud for one another. Ask God's blessings on your marriage partner in an audible voice that he or she can hear and pray specifically for peace and joy in your marriage. Do this every day. Then put into practice what you pray.
2. Remember your spouse is also a brother/sister in Christ. Jesus died for your spouse. He or she is someone with whom you will share eternity, albeit in a different context, but with memories intact.
3. Keep in mind your spouse probably knows you better than anyone else on the planet. They have the potential to bring you the greatest joy and the greatest pain. It is only surrendering to the possibility of pain that brings with it the greatest possibility for joy. Joys and sorrows accompany every marriage.
4. We all know that politeness is a wonderful quality. Remember to be polite to your spouse. “Good morning,” “good night,” “God bless you,” and “I’m sorry” are beautiful phrases; they need not be saved for strangers and acquaintances only—regularly share them with your spouse as well. Be kind to one another.
5. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Prov. 15:1).
6. Husbands – “Guard yourselves in your spirit and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth” (Mal. 2:15).
7. Wives – “It is better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife” (Prov. 21:19).
8. Marriage is a blessing. There are many good, godly men and women who long to find a godly spouse but have yet to know that joy. Do not take your marriage for granted.
9. Husbands and wives - Read 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 and put these principles into practice like you would any other Spirit-inspired biblical text. These verses hold the same authority as every other text in the Bible.
10. Read Ephesians 4:17-32. Put this into practice as well. It will do you a world of good. Life will be better.
11. The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence, but it is likely there’s just more manure over there. The feet of the adulterer go down to death; their steps follow the pathway to hell (Prov. 5:5).

The Scriptures speak to the matter of marital difficulties, and 1 Corinthians 7:1-16; 13:1-13, along with Colossians 3:18-21 and Ephesians 5:22-33, give some clear directives. Remember—Christians do not try to destroy people’s lives—even those with whom they have grievances (justified or unjustified). Intentionally making another person miserable or leaving them destitute is a sin in every instance that will be judged by God. It only harms children as well. It is always important for us to remember that God has called us to peace (1 Cor. 7:15).

For those of you who are struggling, help is available. Our Biblical Counseling ministry is here and equipped to help. I recommend these books: Friends and Lovers by Joel Beeke; Strengthening Your Marriage by Wayne Mack; The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller; and Love that Lasts by Betsy Ricucci. If you have questions or need resources, please contact me or another pastor/elder/counselor. We will do everything in our power to point you in the right direction.

Grace and peace,

Pastor Jym

‍